Granny stories

My grandma was a good story teller. She used to tell stories everyday when I was little. When she ran out of stories she began to read stories from children’s magazine .I used to lie on her lap and listen to all so carefully. I think I don’t even concentrate on my classroom lectures that well. But with grandma my 100% attention was there. I loved Ramayana story so it was usual that everyday she began to tell the story from the beginning. I wanted to hear each and every detail, if she missed any I will make a big fuss about it and make her tell it again. I was a persistent little rascal back then

      Another category of granny stories was the real – life stories she told. Some are too personnel in the sense that the characters are still living and I don’t want to intrude into their privacy. But some others I can share. So here is one…….

When my grandma was little that is about 1930s that is ,when our land was still under kingship and colonialism.  She really adored a foreign lady named Missy. She was from Britain and she lived just half a kilometer from her house. She told me with wonder about the Persian cat that Missy owned.

Missy married a foreigner here. He came to tutor the Prince. They both worked at the palace, Missy was in charge of the tapestry decorations & carpets (palace was about 3 km away from our house) .They met and fell in love. But tragically her husband fell in the bathroom and died. Missy stayed here even after her husband’s death as a widow. She used to play a piano on some evenings. She was a very generous lady. My grandma & her little brother when they were small kids, used to visit her at Christmas time. She gave them cakes & would ask them to choose a gift that was hanging on the Christmas tree. The gifts were usually small toys and chocolates from England. But after 1947, that is the time of India’s independence Missy left Kerala. She went back to her homeland. My grandma really grew fond of the foreigners and she missed them when they left.

           I know it is not a story, but more of like a chapter from my grandma’s childhood. She used to tell this story when I asked her about the big beautiful bungalow a little away from our house. That is the bungalow where once lived a kind lady called Missy. About 60 years have passed from the day Missy left, now that bungalow is a laboratory & residence of a local doctor. 

Went for a one day trip :)

Krishnapuram palace

Krishnapuram palace

Krishnapuram palace

Varkala beach

Varkala beach

Varkala beach

Varkala beach

Panmana asramam

Shivagiri ,Varkala

P.S. All mobile cam pictures :)
 

Freedom to hate

About 10 % my classmates in my college are either married or engaged .Some of the conservative families thinks the appropriate age for marrying off a girl is 19 years. Marrying young has both advantages and disadvantages. It takes a lot of adjusting & patience to live with someone you just barely know. There are tales of fights & tears that I see in the eyes of my married friends. One goes like this

Freedom to hate

 She acts deaf and dumb

When the world around her is of unspeakable things

“Coward”, the brave mocks her

The brave, that doesn’t have the guts to offer a helping hand

She lives on to see a brighter tomorrow

Even though her days get dim & dull

Too afraid to give up on hopes

Hopes that area possibility in a distant future

A future free from the bonds of love and fear

A future where she is not compelled to love

With a freedom to hate

Freedom to hate those who

Give her nightmares

Freedom to hate those who

Bruises her pale hands

Free from the obligation to love

In the name of marriage and blood-relation

Freedom to hate anyone she wishes

Without the bonds of ethics

Love & Deafness

We never learn from mistakes…well at least some don’t. There are a few I know, who are such dumbbells that they have promised themselves that they will act crazy and destroy their life at its ripest time. Of course I mean the girls that are of my age group…my colleagues in college. They are young, beautiful & bubbling with life &….some foolishly presumes they will be like that forever. They say they are in love, & they want to talk to their soul mate all day long.

          Whatever the friends do to warn them of the disasters won’t work. They are just bitten by the love bug & at the end of story they will be left heart broken. At that time I just want to shout to them I told you so, but I haven’ done that yet. Sure there are some love stories that are genuine. But nowadays the society is so rotten & from most of the cases I know about my friends love is just a game for them….a pass time…a peer pressure thing. I had a friend who was so in love and finally it ended badly for the girl , the boy & the family. She has stopped her studies, & she is not even allowed to call her friends. Some people who are living close to her home told me once that she is so changed. She rarely speaks anything, always being rude to people who show kindness and to sum it up she has shut herself up in a miserable world of her own.

            One thing I know for sure, college life is not just for enjoyment. Its the hard-work during this time that determines the rest of our life or career path (in my case its so) . So the safe thing to do is to stay away from all stupidities, including falling in love.I really hope that my friends who are so in love with "some person on the other end of mobile phone" will throw the stupid thing away & start working for their exams........God I am really in a bad mood now..... :( ...I wonder why that love-bitten friends never listen to me?....I think love also makes them deaf or immune to good advices....

Sleep

It’s a cold Sunday morning

A blue night and a rain-clad sky above me

Smell of wet earth and moisture in air

Dawn is peaking from

Underneath the blanket of darkness

Air stands still as if heavy with

The burden of thick fog

I can see blurred sceneries at distance

Getting clearer as I come nearer

My eyes are falling asleep again

To continue dreaming an unfinished dream

Listening to the light tune of drizzle

I again fall asleep as the world is waking up

Good sleep is a luxury

To sleep, to dream a sweet dream with happy ending

Life only has endings

Beginnings that end somewhere

Sometimes happy, but mostly tragic & pathetic

Want to have a peaceful sleep

To escape the nightmares of life

Let me sleep under a light,

Without knowing the time

Let me wake up at dawn to say goodbye,

To a sinking sun, with a promise

I will see it again next day

Some blurry 'grey' pictures ;)

Yesterday I went on a train journey from Trivandrum to Ernakulam...it was raining slightly.....actually I found it entertaining...there was no boredom of long journey with rain to keep me company during the whole journey.Yesterday was Independence day, but I didn't miss the parade..I saw 2 parades on the way to Ernakulam from train..And it was Onam season so there were small "pookalam"s in front of houses, there were little girls swinging on the rope swings tied to big trees...,there were naughty little boys splashing around in mud puddles...

Landscapes looked so mystic & blurred with all the rain & mist..,,I only got some bad pictures in my mobile camera...the pictures are really bad...I took the pictures while the train was moving..& I am still amazed how the pictures are not so blurred..Usually even when my hands shake the pictures get blurred..Anyway here are a few shots...few because most of the time I was enjoying myself, by just looking outside & didn't bother to take a picture..... :)

Recolouring a fading past

Sometimes I wish I could frame

Those beautiful moments

Just like the framed pictures on my desk

Wish the time won’t pass so quickly

Uncertainty of the past frightens me

Still the curiosity to embrace the unknown, cheers me up

I try too hard to memorize each & every detail

Recollecting as much as possible

To recolour a fading past

I remember the way I blushed to a compliment

And cried to a heartless scolding

I remember the comfort of my home

And the warmth of my parent’s protection

But I remember more about love and death

I fasten my grip on my memories once more

Afraid of letting them fade

While I am busy, chasing my dreams

A sleepy mistake

Last day our Kerala history class was going on as usual. I was among the few who were not sleeping in a class of 65 students. Our professor was talking about the people who have came to Kerala from other parts of the country, in ancient times…Like in the 8th century AD..She asked who was the famous philosopher who came from Erankulam to here(here means Trivandrum , our place) in the 8th century A.D. Actually she was expecting an answer ‘Sankracharya’. As I was going to answer & make a show off, someone from the other side of my row raised her hand. That was my dear friend Alia who has come from Ernakulam. As she was sleeping during the rest of the class, she only heard the part ‘who came from Ernakulam ?’ She proudly & loudly answered “Madam, I” ….The students who were not sleeping & the professor broke into a laughter. Even at this point, Alia had no idea what was so funny about her answer….Due to the amount of sound we made the rest of the students woke up & they too joined the laughter even though they had no idea what was going on. Of course, if they didn’t laugh it will seem awkward, so they had to imitate laughing till we stopped laughing….After the class we made fun of Alia as much as we possibly can…I mean its only in such rare occasions we get such a humiliated prey….While we said goodbye to her that evening, we said no hard feelings..it was just a sleepy mistake …

I want to say something

Yesterday I was going through my blog posts...Oh..God... its depressing... Most of the posts have negative feeling ..How come I am not writing about the cheerful & funny scenario that happens to me ?..Seems like I want to keep all the happiness to myself...One more thing..the posts with labels 'about me' are the only ones based on my experience..I have wrote some posts using "I"... just used that for a effect..I get most of the inspiration for "my sad stuff" from the experiences of my friends..I am kind of borrowing their pathetic condition & modifying it, to my imagination..creepy...Well I will try to write about something cheerful than my usual load of complaining & confusion..

Sorting

Why can’t people just say what they feel?

Instead of giving me puzzles & hints

They know I am a ‘dummy’ in problem solving

They ask me to sort friends as good, bad & average

They start preaching into my unwilling ears

“Hang out with the good, just say hi to the average

And act as if the bad doesn’t exist”

Nowadays all I do is, think to myself

I am too lazy to argue…

I whisper under my breath to myself

“Only if I know what is bad, I can appreciate the good

In a way, aren't all of us good & bad at the same time?"

Hiding our frustrations behind a smile

Hiding those tears beneath a laugh"

I want to believe in “happily ever after” endings

Hopes & dreams make my days sweet

I want to believe in all the beautiful & colourful lies

Truth & reality hurts too much

Walk away

I tried to find some truth

Among the lies she told

I tried to see a friend

Beneath the glitter & glamour

Youth, beauty & money

With a dash of arrogance

And somewhere in between

A heartbeat of an ordinary girl

Somewhere I could see the inherent goodness

Hidden away in her fake lashes

She smiles away & laughs aloud

Among a group of parasites, whom she call friends

Sweet talks & happy hours they have all day long

Making each silly occasion a celebration

To give a treat of chocolates & ice-cream

“Walk away girl” I have often thought

You have a life ahead

In which money won’t be your slave

You can boss around now, as

You have been born privileged

One day your beauty will wane

And your admirers will fail

To keep up with the real you

So walk away now & walk towards

A path to build a world of your own

Keep the charity of inheritance

As a reserve for bad times

Is it so hard to read a few books?

To get a decent degree?

Anyway it will be easier than ‘texting’

All your friends & keeping up with fashion trends..

So walk away…& walk towards a better future

By the sea

“Come on dress up letz go somewhere”

Says my dad…”Sea air will be good for you” he continues

By the sea

When the waves grumble

Crashing mercilessly against the rocks on shore

Waves recede, after teasing my toe tips

I step back as in reflex

What made me resent the sea water?

Just the chillness or the dirty tone it had

Once I used to splash around it

Not caring whether it’s blue, brown or blue-green

Now the ‘pedicured’ feet hesitate to touch it

And the wind starts to blow again,

Entangling my hair in a more complicated pattern

I pulled my hood over my hair

Tucking in the loose strands

It’s getting more ridiculous by the minute

Protecting myself from wind & water?

“Evening sunlight is good for your skin”

Quotes my father….

Well he didn’t know I had already on a

Dab of sun-protection lotion

Feels like all my senses are numb

Just moving eyes are there to make sure of the reality

All I feel is empty

Neither sad nor happy

Again I retreated to my shell of silent tortures

New Pinch

I am not sure how much more I will be able to blog in the coming months...my college is going to reopen day after tomorrow. Still I am planning to have atleast 3 posts a month. Its a crucial year in my studies as I have to prepare for 5 main papers (actually its 4 but last year's paper was a mess so I am improving). It was a memorable summer vacation, lot of tragedies & losses. Anyway seems like I have learnt a lot of things, most striking of all is that "I am saying goodbye to last minute studies." I just hope this lesson doesn't wither away like my new year resolutions which I never keep.
                  Feels like I am having a new beginning. Maybe its because of all the new things I got for college year. Its a silly habit I am having from kindergarten classes onwards. Each school year I want the first day of school to be perfect. Perfect means new pencils,bag, water bottle,shoes & so & so......Anyway I have kept the list of new things to the minimum this year. I have mentioned this earlier in my blog that most of my classmates are from poor families. Sometimes I feel guilty while I buy new shoes or clothes just for the reason that it looks pretty. I have seen some of my classmates using their shoes till they can't be repaired further. They buy things out of necessity, not just because they look pretty or pink. Even though I am saying things like this, I still buy stuff as my father is paying for it. When the day comes, in which I am the person who is paying bills, I will definitely cut back on buying pretty things. Each day I spend with my classmates, makes me more aware of the value of money & I take care not to waste it. I just wish, I will have not too much money or too little money, but just the right amount to balance it all. Till this day money has never been my motivation, I  hope it will stay that way.

Living in the shadow of dreams

As I took shelter from the scorching sun

Under the shadow of a tree

I take shelter under the shadow of my dreams

To cool a scorching mind

The departure of loved ones is hard to bear

And what if the departure is forever

Never ever to see their faces

Never ever to hear them call me pet names

But I dream about them

The only possible way I have

To see them again & listen to them

At least to believe in their existence

For a fraction of a second

I pray every night to God

Let me dream about the dead

Dead who were dear to me once

When they were alive and breathing

Sometimes I become blessed, or am I lucky

To dream of my loved ones in heaven

And I wake up, thanking God right away

Repeating my prayer

Let me dream about my loved ones, once more

And I live in the shadow of my dreams

My friends say, that its wistful dreams

But if it gives me peace of mind

Who is to say nay to it?

Time to move on

The crowd has thinned

The voices have been lowered

Everything is starting to look familiar again

The concrete house bore no marks of death

All it bore was an empty room

Its time to move on

Picking up my shattered heart

Drying out my tears

I bury my sorrows by getting busy again

Death is the only certainty in life

Still I find it hard to believe

I wish the reality was just a nightmare

And I will wake up in a land of good dreams

Pain

Angel voices imitate a devil’s tone

Everything is hostile

Even the drinking water, she is afraid

Maybe be poisoned

She don’t try to hide the puffiness

Of her cried out eyes

People pretend not to care for her tears

Even if they care they pretend not to see

They are playing blind in a world

That is already filled with darkness

She wanders around in the desert

See a tree at the distance

She crawls towards it

Dragging her blistered legs

A tree that is scantly dressed

With a few leaves for the sake of pride

She leans against the tree

It was too late, by the time she realized

The tree barks were full of thorns

As she pulled away

It had already bruised her skin

The pain was unbelievable

All she could think about was the pain

One way it was a blessing for her

A few minutes of escape from the mental maim

A few minutes away from the sins those haunt her

A few minutes of oblivion, a true bliss in her life

Goodbye

Patching up my broken heart

I try my best to put on a brave face

Suppressing a howl from inside

I try my best to hold back my tears

Its goodbye forever

I plant a last kiss on her cold face

Tears and tears are all I have to say goodbye

Life won’t be the same again

Without her, life won’t be the same again

20 years of love gone in a blink of eye

All I have is memories and memories alone

If there is an afterlife, I will hold her hand again

Till then its goodbye

If there is no such thing as afterlife

Her memories will die when…I die

A sweaty summer

This summer in Kerala has been the hottest summer in my 20 years of life. Not even summer rains are there. Of course our Kerala meteorological department is happy with that. So that they don’t have to make wrong predictions, about if it will rain or not. They simply have the job of telling the temperature (No offence intended, its just that they make a lot of mistakes in their predictions. Most of the time it’s the opposite of what they predicted that happens. So their predictions are a pretty good joke around here). Local newspapers are doing a probe into the reasons for the hot summer in Kerala and they concluded that local deforestation and rise in number of vehicles are the culprits. All have reasons but where is the solution ? Of course cutting down on our consumption is one thing.Hmm….. summer time is the peak time for A/C sale and accordingly increased consumption of electricity. We all are wonderful speech – makers. But when it comes to ‘doing’ not so good.   People have the freedom to do anything with their money ,but is it right? thatz the question.A little bit conscious- check is required now and then.  All of us are leaving our little carbon footprints on the world. That “little little” footprints have led to the whole global warming cliché and subsequently I am suffering from a hot summer. Not only me others too……Right now my hands are getting sweaty while typing this, but no problem the keyboard is supposedly water-proof (more correctly spill resistant)..... :)

Cloud cuckoo land

Living in a “cloud cuckoo land”…I always think things to be better than what it really is. Call me optimistic. But if I am down with a fever I think about the joys of staying home without doing anything and watching TV all day and my parents spoiling me with all the pampering till I get better. But once I am better I would have a lot of pending lessons to study. I have to catch up with the college gossip that I missed for whole one week. And life gets busier than it usually is..ok now I am thinking all the negative things..so after all I am not living in a “cloud cuckoo land”.

Rainbow

A walk in the drizzle 

Humming a long lost tune

Lost in my thoughts

Always I have loved the concept

Of rediscovery of lost things

Sometimes I stand still

To let my hair get caught up in the wind

Again I resume my walk

Rays of sun began to peep out through the clouds

Like little spotlights 

Scattered here and there

They pick up the insignificant things 

On the ground

And a gust of wind blows

Sweeping away the whole rain clouds

I curse the wind who took my rain away

I wanted to continue my rain walk for some more

As I sat down on the roadside bench

Thinking what a spoil-sport wind is

A line of colours caught my eye

Wow...that is a rainbow

I brush up my memory about rainbows

First things that came to my mind are

The "VIBGYOR"..in my science class

Then there was some recollection 

About photos and videos 

I can't remember the last time 

I saw one for real 

So I felt like I am seeing it for the first time

Seeing is believing

Its no good sitting in front of my PC

And googling for nature wallpapers

I am the proud member of nature clubs

But how often do I venture out?

Tour packages inside an itinerary 

Won't do the job....its just all planned

I want spontaneity and the unexpected

If you dare be a hitchhiker

Sleep under a starless sky

And wake-up under a blazing sun

H mm..wind does have commonsense

To clear the sky for a splash colours

Instead of clinging to the dull grey rain clouds

I sometimes like the defined nature of my life

But it is when change happens 

It brings out the colour and meaning of life  

Rain

For a beautiful rain I waited that day

As rays of sun was hidden beneath rain clouds

I felt a cold wind blowing

Just abating the warm surroundings

As drops began to fall lightly on my skin

It gave me goose bumps

And a shiver ran over my spine

I pulled my coat close together

Slowly the rain began to find its rhythm

Starting slowly and building on at a fast pace

Rain drops gracefully danced their way down to earth

I listened hard to memorize the sound of rain

Like it washed away all the dirt in the leaves of trees

It cleared my mind of thoughts

My mind froze for that movement

Nothing was there except rain and me

Like it drained away some gravel

From underneath my feet covertly

It effortlessly drained away all my worries

All I thought about was I feel good

I sharpened my ears to catch

The symphony of rain

Abstract noises that tune up

Rain drops splatter on the leaves

Oozes down the tree trunks

Gushes to get collected in a puddle

Ripples are forming one after the other

Sometimes they get in way of each other

Breaking away in a collision

Sometimes in unison ripples travel along

Breaking together at edge of the puddle

What an irony when I felt light –hearted inside

Outside I felt heavy headed from all the

Water that got soaked up in my hair

The rain slowed to a stop

There were one or two drops falling here & there

Rain drops drew an invisible pattern

As it crept down my face to finally fall to the ground.

Unsaid

Away from the chatter

Away from the babel

I try to find some solitude

I talk with my friend

Awkwardness of silence fill

The gap between our conversations

I try to tell her everything is going to be alright

Knowing that it is not so

Tears will be shed, hearts will be torn apart

And anger will be unleashed

Still I tell her everything is going to be alright

I am your friend and I will be there for you always

I was frustrated when she didn’t tell me what was going on

When finally she unloaded the burden she carried with her

My optimism has drained out

I have given her my word that I will help her

But I was totally helpless in a situation

Which can be resolved only by time

Life won’t be the same for her ,ever again

It’s going to change forever

The impending disaster around the corner

I pray to God let her not lose faith in herself

The devil has sucked out the last drop of joy from her life

I try to cheer her up with my idiotic jokes

She laughs a little and in between that laughs

I can see flashes of anguish

She was really trying hard to hold back her tears

I avoided looking to her eyes

Because they bore marks of the befallen tragedy

Why does her dew drop earrings

Remind me of teardrops……..

I have never seen that eyes again

But I hope to find it again one day

I hope one day she will come and give me

A tap on my shoulder, taking me by surprise

I hope to see the smile on that face again

It’s sometimes better to bury

Our sorrows with ourselves

Not telling something, is not the same as lying

Or is it worse than lying?

Some things are better unsaid

Why spread your sorrows

When all those around you are

On a quest for happiness

Those ogling eye

I first experienced eve-teasing when I was about 13 years old .While I was walking with my mother one day, some men passed some commends on my mother .Then and there  I had an urge to go and slap them straight on the face. But my mum dragged me along and told me to pretend like I didn’t hear anything. This is the advice she has always been giving me…Don’t react to that worthless men..they want us to react that is why they are provoking us. According to her when we walk away as if we didn’t hear anything they are ones who is going to be ashamed. And on the other hands I hear intellectuals like Justice Sreedevi(Chairperson, Kerala women’s commission ) asking us to react. She said this in a seminar conducted in my college. She said if one of you react those men will atleast have a hesitation before he starts to pass lewd commands on another girl. She said we will be preventing this happening to one of our sisters if we show a little courage.

                        I don’t know how much this reacting thing is practical in our Kerala society. From the experiences I hear from my friends who travel long distances in bus it all depends on the people around us. Well in one experience I heard some elderly woman came to the front to, tell off those menace boys who were flirting with girls on the bus. In another case a conductor scolded the girl when she complained and told her that in a crowded bus it is natural that people might accidentally brush against, you know, some of your body. And told her not to make a big deal out of it.I think men feel more insulted if they get a scolding from women, they can manage the man to man arguing ,but if a women argues with him especially in public and if she gets the upper-hand that can really tick off some men.

                           I still don’t know what I am supposed to do if someone passes some command on me. My mum has strictly told me not to react .So as far as I am under my parents care I won’t disobey them and I will have patience. But one day when I become independent and more mature, maybe I will react .Because I don’t want my children to go through the same uncomfortable situation I had. Well mostly eve-teasing I have experienced is just staring, whistling, some songs and sometimes remarks. Well it is not that damaging. But it is just the way they make me feel self-conscious is just maddening. I try to avoid those ogling eyes as much as possible. By avoiding I mean pretending that those eve-teasers don’t exist there. I just try to imagine that some silly old cow or bull or a dog is staring at me stupidly. But it is hard to act deaf and there are even some people who actually enjoys the whole scene just standing there as a spectator. They watch my face for any signs of discomfort and sees this as a pass time when they wait for their bus. That is how most of the time the eve-teasing episode goes.

                            Then some say it is our dressing style that makes men pass commands. So to be on the safe side. I make sure my dress is not  short or not  tight because the last thing I want is someone blaming me that the whole eve-teasing thing is because I tempted them to pass commands on me. Once my teacher jokingly said that these” Roadside Romeos” go after decently dressed women because they are curious. The kind of curiosity to know what is inside a wrapped gift box. …..or behind a closed door. It is extreme thinking but it gave a humorous outlook to the whole thing. She taught us to take the matter lightly, laugh about it, and manage it tactically. It’s not a matter to be laughed at but remember the teacher was talking to a group of 14 year old girls who was frustrated by the new kind of attention they are getting. She didn’t want us to react on an impulse and make the matters worse. She knew back then, we didn’t have the capacity to stand up strongly. After a while of arguing we may even break into tears which bring on more humiliation. So whenever we decide to stand up to the eve-teasers, do it properly, leave no unfinished business. If you don’t want the whole yelling out and drawing attention stuff, then do it silently. I still remember my aunt using a pin to ward off some menacing hands while she was on bus.

                               There is nothing wrong with looking at people decently. That is just usual, when we see something beautiful we just look at it and just think “wow that really is a pretty girl or boy”. But the eve-teasers want the woman to feel that they are looked on. It is when they become a father of a girl that they will know, what a difficult situation it is to play the part of a victim. Then they will regret ……and repent…… ..and again regret …….

A way up

Once there lived a candle-seller girls

Who sold candles all day long

She always had admired the moon

Who shone brighter than her candles

She thought moon and me are almost in the same trade

Giving light at night, so better talk face to face

From then onwards all she thought is

How to reach the moon

As she looked around for a way up

There emerged a tall mountain, as the mists cleared

How to reach the top it she thought

So she could be little bit closer to the moon

She asked the wind for a lift

The wind took pity on her and

Took her to the top of the mountain

She again asked one more favor

Take me to the moon she pleaded with the wind

But the wind scowled his invisible face

And whistled past her calling her greedy

She looked around for a way up

She saw some fluffy clouds

She put her one foot to one small cloud

To see how strong it was

Then lightly as a ballet dancer

She tip toed from one cloud to another

She sometimes leapt, sometimes hopped

Anyway she finally reached till the top most cloud

Still there was some distance between her and the moon

Again she looked around for a way up

She saw a shooting star hurrying past her

She asked it to drop her off at the moon

But the star said it will die soon and has no time

She said she will trade one day of her life for this favor

That is she will live one minus day

From the day she was supposed to die

So that the star can live one more day

They struck a deal and the shooting star

Swept her off the clouds to the moon

And the star went on to live another day

Who got the better out of the deal?

The star or the girl?

Its amazing upto what extent humans go

To fulfill their crazy dreams

Magic and fantasies

Magic and fantasies have been born out of man’s greed….well not exactly greed but the need to get more…a lack of satisfaction…God has created the world with all its pains,. defeats, and that kind of depressing things. Its man’s search for an utopia…a perfect land where every wish comes true that have given rise to all the imaginary stories and stuff. He is not just happy with the way God has created so he is playing the role of a mock creator. I am not saying it is a bad thing but fundamentally this behaviour points to the never ending wants of man. So God has been thoughtful in not bending to every wish that man had, then what will be the condition of our universe? it will be an utter chaos. But God has blessed us with the power of imagination and dreams and that is one of the best gifts he has given us
Some days back I just checked out the list of world’s top grossing movies of all time…No wonder except titanic which is based on a true story all others are fantasies and the super-natural stuff. Among the top 50 there are some like Da Vinci code, Forest Gump, Passion of the Christ, Mamma mia that deals with themes that are possible in real world all others are just supernatural. People are paying money for seeing this and it is all about entertainment. Even among the top selling books a lot of them deals with fantasies. Girls especially have a love for the not so ordinary. Twilight series is about a girl who falls in love with a vampire…I don’t know where our world is coming with all imagination and stuff. We are running out of options at inventing stories so new and much more crazier themes comes and we just accept it because all we want is a change. Well among books fantasy has not made such headway as it did with movies. Well only few among the new generation are passionate about books than about movies.
Now about magic….some months back there was a programme in a TV channel where all the secrets of magic tricks were revealed .I watched all without missing an episode but later I realized that the fun of magic is not knowing the secret… we actually want to believe something wonderful and magical happened and it is not just a trick .I think our believe in existence of spirits is also part of this .We still have a little expectation that our dear ones are not lost for ever but they are with us in some unexplainable manner. If that thought gives us comfort then go with it for the time being. When we are strong again we could think about reality till then, live in a cocoon of fantasies. In olden times stories of “yakshiyis”(beautiful nymph like vampires) were popular in Kerala. There was a belief that the persons especially females who are murdered or had such kind of tragic end came to haunt the people who was responsible for their death. This actually helped upto a level to check the landlords from exploiting their servant women and other lower class women. A fear is much better restriction on a man that doesn’t have any morals. Preaching him about the good deeds he is supposed to do might not work well.Atleast he will fear the hell……. and will have the common sense to let people live.
Heaven will be no fun for the adventurous category in new generation.They regard themselves as little daredevils searching for adventure all the way. They want challenges to prove themselves. Even in the olden times sea explorers ventured into the ocean without knowing what lies ahead for them.Ofcourse there was a motivation factor….. the riches of the east. But to spice up the whole “adventure thing” they invented stories of sea monsters like “Kraken” lying in wait to suck them to the deepest part of sea…….mermaids sitting by the rocks seducing them and leading their ships to wreck on those sharp stones. At that time people believed in all this fantasies as there was no way to conform the truth. But our new generation is slightly disappointed by the lack of danger in their adventure. Even the trip to moon is safer than driving a car on the highway. Some are very comfortable with all is secure and safe stuff. There are some who considers all this as kill-joy, they want more adventure and danger. So they invent crazier schemes for the adrenaline rush. They spent thousands of rupees to spend a night in the so called haunted hotels just to come in touch with the unnatural. They go in search for spirits using I.R cameras and the so called science equipments to prove something that cannot be explained by science.I have often wondered why our ancient mariners could not be optimistic and hoped for fair winds and safe journey.Then I think what is the fun without exaggeration. Our ancestors were very good at exaggeration. We are also good but not as half as good as our imaginative ancestors. Some exaggerate stuff without meaning any harm. They just want to entertain people and to be good story tellers. Everybody likes some action and miracle .We don’t want some dork telling us a boring stretch of events when we are in the mood for adventure.
So all this fantasies and magical stuff are a way to escape from reality….. upto a level it works…. when we live in the moment it works…But when perspective comes to life and along with it our obligations, our code of conduct we have to embrace reality no matter how tough it is.

My Pisces Girl

Born between a merciless winter and an enchanting spring
She tries to bring joy wherever she goes
But gets bored of staying at same place and she moves on
In search of new experiences and ideas
Because she is confused of what exactly she wants

Even though she shouts out 100 times she is selfish
Deep inside she has always been selfless
She forgets not because she has a poor memory but
Because she forgives and people call her clueless for that

Creative she is …..sees the beauty of a sunrise
And the sadness of a fallen flower
Distracted by a bird’s chirp
Splashes of colour ,a train of words
Is enough to keep her busy for the day

She rather adapts than resists
But deep inside she remains the same passionate dreamer
She fights because she fears humiliation
And hides away from the sun to escape a silly burn

Full of contradictions …..emotions pulling her apart
She tosses a coin when in a dilemma
But she tosses it again and again till she gets what she wants
She makes her own luck and chooses her path

An idol job for her will be that of a librarian
So she could fool around with books
But even more exciting will be to travel to Amazon
And to get a snap of an unknown species

She likes to remain unique and special
But she knows everyone is unique and special so that plan fails
She chose black ink over blue ink
Not because she likes black, but because blue ink is so common

She has a strong heart but when it is broken
It’s hard to patch it up again
But as time goes on she heals herself and
We could see her singing and dancing again
Simple wishes make up her day
Sometimes for a clear sky so that she could go for a walk
Sometimes for a rain so that she could drench in it
There are two true loves in her life
Her family and the beautiful nature
How could she ask for anything more?

Sometimes she is a lazy bones
Being a couch potato all day long
Saying she is relaxing her muscles and bones
And it won’t be too bad if she could win a lottery
And travel the world and spend all the money
Dinner at a 5 –star hotel and breakfast at a roadside shack
Life in luxury as well as in ruins
At last she will come home and say
I did miss my home and I was a fool to leave it

She is sensitive to insensitive people
Thoughts flow to her as her tears flow down
A girl who hoped magic to be true
She has always preferred fantasy over reality
And that is my pisces girl

Notes:

"Those of who know me well, may recognize which pisces girl I am talking about in this poem"

Star gazing

When I was little I used to ask a lot of questions like any other child growing up. A lot of curiosity and imagination drove my life back then. My dad & I used to watch stars at night when I was little….He was not that interested but he accompanied me. The one thing I love about him is that whenever I asked him a difficult question he tried to stick to the facts. Its difficult to explain to a 3 year old the science behind why stars glow but he tried to explain it to me and didn’t invent stories like they are glitters that god has thrown over the sky, and that kind of absurd stories. Even though I didn’t understand it that well he used to say stars glowed because there is gas on them and its burning to give light.  As a grew up I learned more about it and I felt grateful to my father because he tried to give me reasonable answer to my childhood curiosities. Still I imagined things, I thought if I looked long enough at the stars they will look back on me…  it was a time of expectations….truly stupid and fantastic expectations……

                  But times have changed I don’t do star gazing anymore. I cannot see the star clearly as before……city smog has hidden most of the little stars ,only the bright ones have overcome the ugliness made by pollution. And I don’t any longer worry about the complications of universe or its mysteries because its charm has been long lost for me along with other childhood fascinations. I think about things that matter in my daily life……. to be a better human being, to be a good daughter, to be a trustful friend. I have asked my dad why we keep on loving dead people…….. why we r crying over something that is not ever gone come back, they say don’t cry over spilt milk…but crying for the dead is kind of like that…nothing is going to rewrite what have already happened. I think its funny when people say they are going to rewrite history…how can they do that? not even God can change our past… But it is better to cry out our distress than holding all inside and waiting for a tempest to break out inside us.I am not talking about being a crybaby at every turn of difficulties in life… but there are certain situations where tears can do wonders....... the time of crying gives me time to think, and not do or say anything stupid .

               But my father can’t help me with answers now, he tries to comfort me but he also can’t answer all my philosophical questions. And sometimes I keep on wondering and wondering till I scold myself….. girl you are hopeless….. come on…… get a life and move on. So I wake up from my slumber and I am again back to my books, time-killing and usual rational stuff that humans generally do… .One more thing ……I am an idiot in philosophical thinking and it is not my field. Hmmmmm…….I do learn lessons quickly nowadays ……

Alone

One day a little girl was running alone through the streets

She ran so wild and fast that she fell down

She let her wounds open and bleeding

So that she won’t forget the mistakes she made

Heeling might make her mistakes oblivious

She thought about her life

It was an age of questions and doubts

All she knew is she alone…she came to the world

Alone…and she will say goodbye to it alone

Alone in her thought s & dreams

Alone in her fights & dilemmas

Why go for companionship when

Happiness or sadness comes

So she has learned to trust herself

And listen to her conscience

All she knew is she is the creator and destroyer

Of her own happiness

A part of my soul

Falling in love with life..

Falling head over heels in all pleasures

Swaying and melting in with a melody…….

My dreams are on fire..

Adrenaline rush at top..ready for anything that life throws at me

Sneering at all those questions

Because all life has is questions and no answers

So why should I search for true answers

When there are million possibilities of answering a question

I answer as I please… to please my arrogance and self-importance

I live in bubble protected by family, love and care

What happens when I am all alone?

When all my efforts are futile

And my imaginary bubble of protection breaks

I will be as vulnerable as a grass in a storm

My mother says new people will come to my life and

I won’t miss what I had lost

How could I afford to forget my past

How could I let my memories blur when I get new people

I can’t let myself laugh without my family

I want them to be engraved to my soul

How much it hurts doesn’t matter…

Let a part of my soul be kept for them

I will cope with what is left