Getting interested in history

Starting from the school level onwards I was an average student in all subjects. That means I got almost 85% above for all the subjects I studied till my 10th std. So that doesn’t prove that I am intelligent, but it showed that I have a talent to study all the subjects in the same magnitude. I now find that as a disadvantage, because it’s better to have a deep knowledge and extreme interest in one subject than having a little knowledge in all subjects. Well this principle is only applicable if you want to become famous as Einstein who was interested in maths and was considered as an idiot by his social science teacher.
So if you want to be like a regular human, getting a good job that earns you money and look after the family and all that, you need not be an extra –brilliant scholar in one subject. So this doesn’t mean I want to be world famous or anything. Still I want to leave behind a legacy, or some milestone or something that people will remember even after I am dead. So now let’s not let our imagination run wild. Practically thinking I will also end up like a regular human working, looking after the family, and hopefully dying peacefully at home when I get old. Still considering my current age it’s possible to understand the revolutionary spirit that I have in my blood and the dreams I wove. At the end of the day this all may be fruitless. There maybe many untold tales of failure and always what we hear are stories of success (we hearing it is a proof of success so…). Still the one factor that gets me going is what if we had a chance to excel in something and we didn’t try out that. I certainly don’t want any regrets in my life or more practically I want to keep the number of regrets in my life to the lowest number possible.
So back to my choice of history. So after 12th I really thought hard what I wanted to study. In that thinking I gave priority to what I like than what I thought I liked. So it was a moment of self-discovery. I always was fascinated by history. The heroes of the past gave rejuvenation to my imagination. I liked to think about what it was like living in that period of history. I think it’s an honour to study in detail about the great personalities in history like Gandhiji, Mother Theresa etc. Well it’s the least we can do to show an appreciation to the noble deeds they did. There are diverse things that capture my attention in history. History can be studied in a story telling way. Or it can be boring with dates and number of dead soldier. Or it can just be a bunch of lies written by the victors. There maybe thousands of treasures that maybe lost forever by the crookedness of men or by the sheer accident or coincidence. By treasures I men not the gold, diamond stuff because they are the things that we can put a price tag. But some facts in history are invaluable and are like hidden treasures. We have a right to know the truth and the injustice of the past deserves to be brought to light. So that’s just the outline of things that got me interested in history.

Being selfish

So one day comes a sweet little girl wanting to climb a tree.
She came knowing that I was also taking a training to climb a tree.
So she came to learn the tricks and techniques of the trade.
She acts so stupid, innocent and cries for my help
She praises me more than anyone ever has….

Poor girl that betrayed her…..
I came to know all she wants is a help and the clever little thing
Disguises the need for me in a blanket of friendship
She doesn’t understands her selfishness
What is more tragic than not knowing the evil within you?

Each and everyone of us are selfish in our own way
Given a chance there is a devil within each one of us
Recognize that devil within you and others
Don’t let it come out of you and be on alert
When it comes out of others

World is a scary place if we can see all those devils
So we pretend all is happy and well
The tragedy strikes when there is no escaping from the truth
Some even go to the extent of denying that truth
But how long can we live in that soap bubble called lie?
It will just pop at the touch of reality

So be wise….. traps also come as innocent people asking for help
All they want is your help and not you
Sometimes they suck out the very life blood out of you
So be careful how much you give them
Because we all are selfish …you, me and the whole world

Well if you follow the divine principle:
Help without expecting anything in return don’t listen to
What I said above………………………………………..!

Wanted and Unwanted

The want to be useful is within everybody….

Our feelings get extreme when we become
Wanted or unwanted……..

Becoming wanted gives rise to friendship, love
And all the sweet emotions that we dream about
Becoming unwanted is a difficult position
It gives rise to loneliness, hatred,
And all those so called damned emotions
Like envy, anger, revenge

It’s when society makes a person unwanted
The feeling of Devil rises within him
He began to see the world with hate,
He takes revenge on innocent victims,
To satisfy his bloody self –complex

So make each human feel that
They are wanted, and the world needs them,
Try to help him find his own value
Let him live a life of dignity
Appreciate how precious a life is

Don’t be a miser with your
Good words if a person deserves it
Create an environment not
Eco-friendly, not user –friendly,
Because that needs the whole
World co-operation, as in Copenhagen

Create an environment to
Make your fellow beings feel
That they are needed in this world
Without them the world will
Miss a lot of blessings……..

Desert Flowers

Desert flowers unlike the pampered
And spoilt garden flowers
They stand upright, more gracefully
As if they see the wonder of the world
Against their dull and torrid backdrop

I value them more than roses
Or is it…. that
I underestimate the price of roses?
Its rarity that determines the price

Like the diamond water paradox
(Ask a man what he would prefer
Standing in middle of a desert
A glass of tap water or a diamond fit for a king)

Thus stand the desert flowers
Doing the best with what they have
There are some persons I know who
Remind me of desert flowers

They come from the abyss of
Poverty, despair and nothingness
They are under-nourished
Like the desert flowers
Still they stand gracefully…….
Still one look at them………
Is enough to brighten the day

Estimation

We usually over-estimate or under-estimate. It’s very difficult to estimate. In my case I usually under-estimate myself and over-estimate the people I met.
My college class gives me no environment for an intellectual growth or development in the sense that there are not many bright students. So the thing is that there is no one who I could look up to……no debates, doubts, discussions in the academic level. I believe in finding happiness in the little blessings of life. Not the ‘nature, air, food, shelter’ concept …….I am thankful for that ……but the little individual happiness like I got a new PC, long hair, .blah……. blah…mom’s food, dad’s humor……friends…& so on. So one thing I learned from my college life “if you have got no role models around you, look for persons who you don’t want to be like". It maybe things like their behaviour, talks, or even the way they dress up which we may not like. So when a situation comes where u need some thinking just remember a tip “If I do like this I will be like that person,……. its so not happening.”

Mask

Everyday I wake up and put on a mask
In college I put on a mask of fun and chatty girl
With some friends who are obnoxious and sickening
I put a mask to hide my dislike
With some teachers who are truly disagreeable
I put on a mask of obedience
To save my internal marks from dipping down

With some very charitable relatives
I put on a mask of humble and cute girl looks
With some deceitful and clever persons
I put on a mask of innocence and helplessness
As I am afraid to stand up to them

To the persons who truly love me I discard my mask
The important factor for success in life
The right mask at the right time…….

A reason to live for.......

Everybody has a reason to live for

Its when that reason is invalid they think

Of ending the life itself

Some brave ones rise from

Their fallen ground to play another round of game

In an over-growing, over-populated world

We are running out of good reasons to live for

In the past people lived for simple reasons

Pre-historic man’s reason was food

They are things that we take for granted

Lack of reasons lead to wrong choices

Some live for money, some for power

It’s all materialistic, limitless greed……

No reason is good enough to die for because

All deaths are useless, still

War heroes are born whose reason

Is glory after death?

Turning over a New Leaf

People from my past see me through their

Old spectacles…….
And see the shabby, dull picture
Once blotted the stain never goes

I live in the memories of people
Erase them and I become a stranger
Only my bio data remains the same
All my emotions, behaviour….. have changed
Turning over a new leaf was difficult
Hopefully I presume, I did it
What can I do to turn back the clock?
Do a little correction in my past…

We have to see to believe
What they see is the shadow of my past
I console myself, may the present sees the new me
Is it all an illusion?
Am I the illusionist?
I have never felt so confused, as in an enchantment

There is only one person who understands me
Even though he doesn’t understand my philosophy
He knows me, he hears me ……
I didn’t have a choice over him
But he was the best I could get….my father.

Turning point

What is the relation between a revolutionary and a conventional girl like me? Conventional in the sense that I grow up as a single child getting all the care, affection and protection of my parents. I was in a dilemma after finishing my 12 th standard. I didn't like the professional courses, which was the general trend. I wanted to work for public good rather than for private greed. I was afraid to try out the civil service ambition. 2 years of study in Kendriya Vidyalaya had drained out all my self-confidence and esteem.
It was at that point of time that I came across the book"CHE" (ofcourse its a book about che guevara) I only understood a bit of it and that bit was the life of Che upto the age of 30. He studied engg for 1 year then dropped it because he didn't like it(We all make some stupid mistakes,right? He then joined for medicine in 1948. In the year 1951 he went on a "motorcycle journey " through south american countries. He saw the poor, sick, hungry,...... the face of despair. He said "The highest form of human solidarity & loyality arises among such lonely & desperate people". I felt the same feeling when I started my degree years in Govt: Women's college (mostly in the BA history and philosophy classe,as they are the supposedly useless subjects according to some.) Most of my classmates are from poor family,their parents are daily wage labours and I understood the value of each rupee.They store 1 re & 50ps like magpies, they plan on buying things. Things which may appear petty to the 'well to do class'.
I got to understand poverty even though I have never been there. So I really want to help those people.
So Che's book gave me courage to pursue what I wanted in my life eventhough it meant going against the expections of the society .There were only a few people who supported me, my father he was such a darling. Its like even if I fall I have him to catch me. Then some of my friends were also my side. Most of my relatives had a sarcasm in their voice. My chances of becoming a civil servant are only about 25%.But I will try . I beieve life gives you what you deserve not what you desire. Even if I fail in that I still have other back-up plans like teaching, other govt services, atleast any job to support my parents.
This may not seem like a revolutionary step. But considering the fact that I am basically a bit cowardly,and a bit selfish (its not my fault that I didn't have siblings) this is a big turning point in my life. That is the relation between me and a revolutionary.........we kind of took the uniform decision to help people, but our ways have no similarity at all. He is dead but still everyone remembers him. I am living and apart from my parents and some few friends nobody will remember me.....
"I am so glad that, once upon a time there lived a man called Ernesto Che Guevara". Because he kind of helped me make up my mind .That is a turning point in my life for better or for good.....? The future will reveal....

Renewal

When I was in school I was too greedy
And wanted a better school,friends,teachers,....everything....
But when I moved on,I understood
I have arrived at even more downhill place

Now I want what I had back
I want my old friends back
What I had was limited edition,
Where I have arrived is a flee-market,
Everything is cheap here .......
Emotions,friendship,everything.....

As time goes on I am also becoming a crockery stuff,
I am just looking for renewing the links to the past
If I had moved on to a better place,
I won't have looked back

We all are instruments of the circumstances,
The final diagnosis :"I am selfish......I want a better present"
For that I am looking for supporting roots from past
As my present roots are withering away..
"I am a prisoner of the past"

The Other Side

The other side,the other side of me.......
Well its not a Miley Cyrus song.......OK!Fine it is.
But I am not stealing .....It just stuck me one day...
The following lines are from a French movie"The Black Box"

There are 3 persons within us
1)what we want to be
2)what we think we are
3)what we really are........unfortunately the third person is a stranger to us
So 'the other side' of me is what I think I am
Its always a question within me
"Who am I?"....You got me again I know its
the title of a Jackie Chan movie
Still its the question I am born with
Not only me but every rational human........

Two Friends

I started this blog because of two friends
But they don't know it
One friend is my inspiration,cause,effect,.......
She lives on the other side of the world
So writing letters to her is what motivated
my thinking
She is my BEST FRIEND.......!

The other is my good friend
Seeing her blog gave me the idea to
Start one of my own...(I am a complete novice in the cloud network
so its my first experience as a blogger)
This blogspot is dedicated to my parents & friends........