Star gazing

When I was little I used to ask a lot of questions like any other child growing up. A lot of curiosity and imagination drove my life back then. My dad & I used to watch stars at night when I was little….He was not that interested but he accompanied me. The one thing I love about him is that whenever I asked him a difficult question he tried to stick to the facts. Its difficult to explain to a 3 year old the science behind why stars glow but he tried to explain it to me and didn’t invent stories like they are glitters that god has thrown over the sky, and that kind of absurd stories. Even though I didn’t understand it that well he used to say stars glowed because there is gas on them and its burning to give light.  As a grew up I learned more about it and I felt grateful to my father because he tried to give me reasonable answer to my childhood curiosities. Still I imagined things, I thought if I looked long enough at the stars they will look back on me…  it was a time of expectations….truly stupid and fantastic expectations……

                  But times have changed I don’t do star gazing anymore. I cannot see the star clearly as before……city smog has hidden most of the little stars ,only the bright ones have overcome the ugliness made by pollution. And I don’t any longer worry about the complications of universe or its mysteries because its charm has been long lost for me along with other childhood fascinations. I think about things that matter in my daily life……. to be a better human being, to be a good daughter, to be a trustful friend. I have asked my dad why we keep on loving dead people…….. why we r crying over something that is not ever gone come back, they say don’t cry over spilt milk…but crying for the dead is kind of like that…nothing is going to rewrite what have already happened. I think its funny when people say they are going to rewrite history…how can they do that? not even God can change our past… But it is better to cry out our distress than holding all inside and waiting for a tempest to break out inside us.I am not talking about being a crybaby at every turn of difficulties in life… but there are certain situations where tears can do wonders....... the time of crying gives me time to think, and not do or say anything stupid .

               But my father can’t help me with answers now, he tries to comfort me but he also can’t answer all my philosophical questions. And sometimes I keep on wondering and wondering till I scold myself….. girl you are hopeless….. come on…… get a life and move on. So I wake up from my slumber and I am again back to my books, time-killing and usual rational stuff that humans generally do… .One more thing ……I am an idiot in philosophical thinking and it is not my field. Hmmmmm…….I do learn lessons quickly nowadays ……

Turning over a New Leaf

People from my past see me through their

Old spectacles…….
And see the shabby, dull picture
Once blotted the stain never goes

I live in the memories of people
Erase them and I become a stranger
Only my bio data remains the same
All my emotions, behaviour….. have changed
Turning over a new leaf was difficult
Hopefully I presume, I did it
What can I do to turn back the clock?
Do a little correction in my past…

We have to see to believe
What they see is the shadow of my past
I console myself, may the present sees the new me
Is it all an illusion?
Am I the illusionist?
I have never felt so confused, as in an enchantment

There is only one person who understands me
Even though he doesn’t understand my philosophy
He knows me, he hears me ……
I didn’t have a choice over him
But he was the best I could get….my father.