Those ogling eye

I first experienced eve-teasing when I was about 13 years old .While I was walking with my mother one day, some men passed some commends on my mother .Then and there  I had an urge to go and slap them straight on the face. But my mum dragged me along and told me to pretend like I didn’t hear anything. This is the advice she has always been giving me…Don’t react to that worthless men..they want us to react that is why they are provoking us. According to her when we walk away as if we didn’t hear anything they are ones who is going to be ashamed. And on the other hands I hear intellectuals like Justice Sreedevi(Chairperson, Kerala women’s commission ) asking us to react. She said this in a seminar conducted in my college. She said if one of you react those men will atleast have a hesitation before he starts to pass lewd commands on another girl. She said we will be preventing this happening to one of our sisters if we show a little courage.

                        I don’t know how much this reacting thing is practical in our Kerala society. From the experiences I hear from my friends who travel long distances in bus it all depends on the people around us. Well in one experience I heard some elderly woman came to the front to, tell off those menace boys who were flirting with girls on the bus. In another case a conductor scolded the girl when she complained and told her that in a crowded bus it is natural that people might accidentally brush against, you know, some of your body. And told her not to make a big deal out of it.I think men feel more insulted if they get a scolding from women, they can manage the man to man arguing ,but if a women argues with him especially in public and if she gets the upper-hand that can really tick off some men.

                           I still don’t know what I am supposed to do if someone passes some command on me. My mum has strictly told me not to react .So as far as I am under my parents care I won’t disobey them and I will have patience. But one day when I become independent and more mature, maybe I will react .Because I don’t want my children to go through the same uncomfortable situation I had. Well mostly eve-teasing I have experienced is just staring, whistling, some songs and sometimes remarks. Well it is not that damaging. But it is just the way they make me feel self-conscious is just maddening. I try to avoid those ogling eyes as much as possible. By avoiding I mean pretending that those eve-teasers don’t exist there. I just try to imagine that some silly old cow or bull or a dog is staring at me stupidly. But it is hard to act deaf and there are even some people who actually enjoys the whole scene just standing there as a spectator. They watch my face for any signs of discomfort and sees this as a pass time when they wait for their bus. That is how most of the time the eve-teasing episode goes.

                            Then some say it is our dressing style that makes men pass commands. So to be on the safe side. I make sure my dress is not  short or not  tight because the last thing I want is someone blaming me that the whole eve-teasing thing is because I tempted them to pass commands on me. Once my teacher jokingly said that these” Roadside Romeos” go after decently dressed women because they are curious. The kind of curiosity to know what is inside a wrapped gift box. …..or behind a closed door. It is extreme thinking but it gave a humorous outlook to the whole thing. She taught us to take the matter lightly, laugh about it, and manage it tactically. It’s not a matter to be laughed at but remember the teacher was talking to a group of 14 year old girls who was frustrated by the new kind of attention they are getting. She didn’t want us to react on an impulse and make the matters worse. She knew back then, we didn’t have the capacity to stand up strongly. After a while of arguing we may even break into tears which bring on more humiliation. So whenever we decide to stand up to the eve-teasers, do it properly, leave no unfinished business. If you don’t want the whole yelling out and drawing attention stuff, then do it silently. I still remember my aunt using a pin to ward off some menacing hands while she was on bus.

                               There is nothing wrong with looking at people decently. That is just usual, when we see something beautiful we just look at it and just think “wow that really is a pretty girl or boy”. But the eve-teasers want the woman to feel that they are looked on. It is when they become a father of a girl that they will know, what a difficult situation it is to play the part of a victim. Then they will regret ……and repent…… ..and again regret …….