Goodbye

Patching up my broken heart

I try my best to put on a brave face

Suppressing a howl from inside

I try my best to hold back my tears

Its goodbye forever

I plant a last kiss on her cold face

Tears and tears are all I have to say goodbye

Life won’t be the same again

Without her, life won’t be the same again

20 years of love gone in a blink of eye

All I have is memories and memories alone

If there is an afterlife, I will hold her hand again

Till then its goodbye

If there is no such thing as afterlife

Her memories will die when…I die

A sweaty summer

This summer in Kerala has been the hottest summer in my 20 years of life. Not even summer rains are there. Of course our Kerala meteorological department is happy with that. So that they don’t have to make wrong predictions, about if it will rain or not. They simply have the job of telling the temperature (No offence intended, its just that they make a lot of mistakes in their predictions. Most of the time it’s the opposite of what they predicted that happens. So their predictions are a pretty good joke around here). Local newspapers are doing a probe into the reasons for the hot summer in Kerala and they concluded that local deforestation and rise in number of vehicles are the culprits. All have reasons but where is the solution ? Of course cutting down on our consumption is one thing.Hmm….. summer time is the peak time for A/C sale and accordingly increased consumption of electricity. We all are wonderful speech – makers. But when it comes to ‘doing’ not so good.   People have the freedom to do anything with their money ,but is it right? thatz the question.A little bit conscious- check is required now and then.  All of us are leaving our little carbon footprints on the world. That “little little” footprints have led to the whole global warming cliché and subsequently I am suffering from a hot summer. Not only me others too……Right now my hands are getting sweaty while typing this, but no problem the keyboard is supposedly water-proof (more correctly spill resistant)..... :)

Cloud cuckoo land

Living in a “cloud cuckoo land”…I always think things to be better than what it really is. Call me optimistic. But if I am down with a fever I think about the joys of staying home without doing anything and watching TV all day and my parents spoiling me with all the pampering till I get better. But once I am better I would have a lot of pending lessons to study. I have to catch up with the college gossip that I missed for whole one week. And life gets busier than it usually is..ok now I am thinking all the negative things..so after all I am not living in a “cloud cuckoo land”.

Rainbow

A walk in the drizzle 

Humming a long lost tune

Lost in my thoughts

Always I have loved the concept

Of rediscovery of lost things

Sometimes I stand still

To let my hair get caught up in the wind

Again I resume my walk

Rays of sun began to peep out through the clouds

Like little spotlights 

Scattered here and there

They pick up the insignificant things 

On the ground

And a gust of wind blows

Sweeping away the whole rain clouds

I curse the wind who took my rain away

I wanted to continue my rain walk for some more

As I sat down on the roadside bench

Thinking what a spoil-sport wind is

A line of colours caught my eye

Wow...that is a rainbow

I brush up my memory about rainbows

First things that came to my mind are

The "VIBGYOR"..in my science class

Then there was some recollection 

About photos and videos 

I can't remember the last time 

I saw one for real 

So I felt like I am seeing it for the first time

Seeing is believing

Its no good sitting in front of my PC

And googling for nature wallpapers

I am the proud member of nature clubs

But how often do I venture out?

Tour packages inside an itinerary 

Won't do the job....its just all planned

I want spontaneity and the unexpected

If you dare be a hitchhiker

Sleep under a starless sky

And wake-up under a blazing sun

H mm..wind does have commonsense

To clear the sky for a splash colours

Instead of clinging to the dull grey rain clouds

I sometimes like the defined nature of my life

But it is when change happens 

It brings out the colour and meaning of life  

Rain

For a beautiful rain I waited that day

As rays of sun was hidden beneath rain clouds

I felt a cold wind blowing

Just abating the warm surroundings

As drops began to fall lightly on my skin

It gave me goose bumps

And a shiver ran over my spine

I pulled my coat close together

Slowly the rain began to find its rhythm

Starting slowly and building on at a fast pace

Rain drops gracefully danced their way down to earth

I listened hard to memorize the sound of rain

Like it washed away all the dirt in the leaves of trees

It cleared my mind of thoughts

My mind froze for that movement

Nothing was there except rain and me

Like it drained away some gravel

From underneath my feet covertly

It effortlessly drained away all my worries

All I thought about was I feel good

I sharpened my ears to catch

The symphony of rain

Abstract noises that tune up

Rain drops splatter on the leaves

Oozes down the tree trunks

Gushes to get collected in a puddle

Ripples are forming one after the other

Sometimes they get in way of each other

Breaking away in a collision

Sometimes in unison ripples travel along

Breaking together at edge of the puddle

What an irony when I felt light –hearted inside

Outside I felt heavy headed from all the

Water that got soaked up in my hair

The rain slowed to a stop

There were one or two drops falling here & there

Rain drops drew an invisible pattern

As it crept down my face to finally fall to the ground.

Unsaid

Away from the chatter

Away from the babel

I try to find some solitude

I talk with my friend

Awkwardness of silence fill

The gap between our conversations

I try to tell her everything is going to be alright

Knowing that it is not so

Tears will be shed, hearts will be torn apart

And anger will be unleashed

Still I tell her everything is going to be alright

I am your friend and I will be there for you always

I was frustrated when she didn’t tell me what was going on

When finally she unloaded the burden she carried with her

My optimism has drained out

I have given her my word that I will help her

But I was totally helpless in a situation

Which can be resolved only by time

Life won’t be the same for her ,ever again

It’s going to change forever

The impending disaster around the corner

I pray to God let her not lose faith in herself

The devil has sucked out the last drop of joy from her life

I try to cheer her up with my idiotic jokes

She laughs a little and in between that laughs

I can see flashes of anguish

She was really trying hard to hold back her tears

I avoided looking to her eyes

Because they bore marks of the befallen tragedy

Why does her dew drop earrings

Remind me of teardrops……..

I have never seen that eyes again

But I hope to find it again one day

I hope one day she will come and give me

A tap on my shoulder, taking me by surprise

I hope to see the smile on that face again

It’s sometimes better to bury

Our sorrows with ourselves

Not telling something, is not the same as lying

Or is it worse than lying?

Some things are better unsaid

Why spread your sorrows

When all those around you are

On a quest for happiness

Those ogling eye

I first experienced eve-teasing when I was about 13 years old .While I was walking with my mother one day, some men passed some commends on my mother .Then and there  I had an urge to go and slap them straight on the face. But my mum dragged me along and told me to pretend like I didn’t hear anything. This is the advice she has always been giving me…Don’t react to that worthless men..they want us to react that is why they are provoking us. According to her when we walk away as if we didn’t hear anything they are ones who is going to be ashamed. And on the other hands I hear intellectuals like Justice Sreedevi(Chairperson, Kerala women’s commission ) asking us to react. She said this in a seminar conducted in my college. She said if one of you react those men will atleast have a hesitation before he starts to pass lewd commands on another girl. She said we will be preventing this happening to one of our sisters if we show a little courage.

                        I don’t know how much this reacting thing is practical in our Kerala society. From the experiences I hear from my friends who travel long distances in bus it all depends on the people around us. Well in one experience I heard some elderly woman came to the front to, tell off those menace boys who were flirting with girls on the bus. In another case a conductor scolded the girl when she complained and told her that in a crowded bus it is natural that people might accidentally brush against, you know, some of your body. And told her not to make a big deal out of it.I think men feel more insulted if they get a scolding from women, they can manage the man to man arguing ,but if a women argues with him especially in public and if she gets the upper-hand that can really tick off some men.

                           I still don’t know what I am supposed to do if someone passes some command on me. My mum has strictly told me not to react .So as far as I am under my parents care I won’t disobey them and I will have patience. But one day when I become independent and more mature, maybe I will react .Because I don’t want my children to go through the same uncomfortable situation I had. Well mostly eve-teasing I have experienced is just staring, whistling, some songs and sometimes remarks. Well it is not that damaging. But it is just the way they make me feel self-conscious is just maddening. I try to avoid those ogling eyes as much as possible. By avoiding I mean pretending that those eve-teasers don’t exist there. I just try to imagine that some silly old cow or bull or a dog is staring at me stupidly. But it is hard to act deaf and there are even some people who actually enjoys the whole scene just standing there as a spectator. They watch my face for any signs of discomfort and sees this as a pass time when they wait for their bus. That is how most of the time the eve-teasing episode goes.

                            Then some say it is our dressing style that makes men pass commands. So to be on the safe side. I make sure my dress is not  short or not  tight because the last thing I want is someone blaming me that the whole eve-teasing thing is because I tempted them to pass commands on me. Once my teacher jokingly said that these” Roadside Romeos” go after decently dressed women because they are curious. The kind of curiosity to know what is inside a wrapped gift box. …..or behind a closed door. It is extreme thinking but it gave a humorous outlook to the whole thing. She taught us to take the matter lightly, laugh about it, and manage it tactically. It’s not a matter to be laughed at but remember the teacher was talking to a group of 14 year old girls who was frustrated by the new kind of attention they are getting. She didn’t want us to react on an impulse and make the matters worse. She knew back then, we didn’t have the capacity to stand up strongly. After a while of arguing we may even break into tears which bring on more humiliation. So whenever we decide to stand up to the eve-teasers, do it properly, leave no unfinished business. If you don’t want the whole yelling out and drawing attention stuff, then do it silently. I still remember my aunt using a pin to ward off some menacing hands while she was on bus.

                               There is nothing wrong with looking at people decently. That is just usual, when we see something beautiful we just look at it and just think “wow that really is a pretty girl or boy”. But the eve-teasers want the woman to feel that they are looked on. It is when they become a father of a girl that they will know, what a difficult situation it is to play the part of a victim. Then they will regret ……and repent…… ..and again regret …….