My summer of ‘99

Well my best childhood memory was the time I spent with my 3 cousins .Those were the days were we saw wonder in all the mysteries of nature .But as we grow up we got all the explanation from the science classes. Human beings can never accept the ignorance, it really hurts their complex if they don’t know something .They make up stories ,gossips or whatever they can if they are not able to find any logical explanation for something .That is how superstitions were born .
It was so fun to think about the imaginary countries we made up when we were kids. How we set up defense, government, wildlife, marine, transport, houses .Well we were mostly interested in guns, war and animals as my playmates were boys and they never agreed to play with barbies and dolls, so for the girly plays I used to invite my neighbour girl, who was almost about my age. I still remember the fun we had planning operations in war, playing dead and the thrill to watch soldiers getting killed in war in movies. We were so ignorant at that time and took pleasure in all that .But when I look back now I see those innocent faces, not knowing the meaning of death or birth, not knowing which is right or wrong, just being happy and playing all the time. At that times our minds were more free, there was no need to think about consequences, no need to measure the words .We could play in the rain and not worry about catching a cold, we could dress up the way we like and don’t care about the commands others say, we could just gobble up anything without worrying about our waistline getting bigger.
A sadist thing we did when we were children was to load the snails (hard shelled big ones….nasty right?) to our toy trucks and dump them in the trash and when the servant came and burned the trash we watched the green and blue flames coming out of those poor creatures. When I think about it…..I feel sorry for those snails that attained martyrdom for our pleasure. Another exciting part was when we went to collect flowers for onam…we exactly didn’t ask the neighbors permission before plucking flowers from their garden….During one such flower plucking expeditions we encountered a snake…we ran howling all the way back to our homes throwing the flower baskets …near that snake……….

Mourning

Most of the spring flowers have fallen
Moist ground soaks up their faded colours
Last of the spring flowers they are
Lost in the seasons change
Almost at the end of their life
Boosting their last drop of energy

Ghosts of the memories
Frost of the night chills

Why does the moon

Smile on me when I mourn

And the stars mock
Why am I such a moron

Looking so morose
So afraid to face the morning

All I want is kindness, a morsel
My sadness is just a monodrama
Maybe it’s because I am a monotheist
What can I do to change my mood
Sing a song once, twice or more

Why am I deaf to others consoling words
Can’t they understand their words r useless
And I am drowning in the sea of misery
With a piece of my heart missing

View from the top

For me preparing for civil service is like swimming against the current. The most contradictory part is I don’t know how to swim. So basically I have no actual experience of how tough it can be. Still the view from the top is what inspires me……..Wonder what it is? See the preparation process can be sometimes tedious and boring. It’s an uphill climb and when I finally reach the top of that mountain I get the view of the beautiful panorama there. I will feel like I am at the top of the world. But a small doubt is creeping within me nowadays whether I will like the view from the top. How to explain that concept……. Let me give an example….I so wanted to read the Harry Potter book 7 badly that I downloaded it from the net and finished reading that on computer from morning 10 to night 2 O’clock. My eye will never forgive me for the strain I put on them. Next day my eyes were red till afternoon. But after reading that book I didn’t feel excited. I think I was more excited before I read it. You know the intuitions about the unknown kept my curiosity level up. So I am a bit afraid whether I will like my life as a Civil servant. Forewarned is forearmed. So what I do is I prepare my mind to go ahead and grab it whether I like it or not. Because my aim along with the good things that I will be able to do for others is my priority and it will be selfish to think about my conformability level. Most of all being a civil servant means sacrificing some thing for the good of nation.

Revolution never dies

Below the cloudy sky
Follow the windy road

Callow youths under the tree
Willow trees near the pond
Wallowing children in the pond

Yellow flowers by the side
Marshmallow scent in the air
Pillow so soft under your head
Shallow dreams are the above said

Hollow voices be hushed
Gallows of silence be extinct
Allow yourself to listen to
Fellow-beings cry for help
Swallow your pains & grieves
Fallow land be made to bear
Mellow fruits and music
Hallowed grounds for the martyrs
Cellos be played in their honour
Mallow flowers over their graves
Billowing flags over their headstone
………The revolution never dies…………

Getting interested in history

Starting from the school level onwards I was an average student in all subjects. That means I got almost 85% above for all the subjects I studied till my 10th std. So that doesn’t prove that I am intelligent, but it showed that I have a talent to study all the subjects in the same magnitude. I now find that as a disadvantage, because it’s better to have a deep knowledge and extreme interest in one subject than having a little knowledge in all subjects. Well this principle is only applicable if you want to become famous as Einstein who was interested in maths and was considered as an idiot by his social science teacher.
So if you want to be like a regular human, getting a good job that earns you money and look after the family and all that, you need not be an extra –brilliant scholar in one subject. So this doesn’t mean I want to be world famous or anything. Still I want to leave behind a legacy, or some milestone or something that people will remember even after I am dead. So now let’s not let our imagination run wild. Practically thinking I will also end up like a regular human working, looking after the family, and hopefully dying peacefully at home when I get old. Still considering my current age it’s possible to understand the revolutionary spirit that I have in my blood and the dreams I wove. At the end of the day this all may be fruitless. There maybe many untold tales of failure and always what we hear are stories of success (we hearing it is a proof of success so…). Still the one factor that gets me going is what if we had a chance to excel in something and we didn’t try out that. I certainly don’t want any regrets in my life or more practically I want to keep the number of regrets in my life to the lowest number possible.
So back to my choice of history. So after 12th I really thought hard what I wanted to study. In that thinking I gave priority to what I like than what I thought I liked. So it was a moment of self-discovery. I always was fascinated by history. The heroes of the past gave rejuvenation to my imagination. I liked to think about what it was like living in that period of history. I think it’s an honour to study in detail about the great personalities in history like Gandhiji, Mother Theresa etc. Well it’s the least we can do to show an appreciation to the noble deeds they did. There are diverse things that capture my attention in history. History can be studied in a story telling way. Or it can be boring with dates and number of dead soldier. Or it can just be a bunch of lies written by the victors. There maybe thousands of treasures that maybe lost forever by the crookedness of men or by the sheer accident or coincidence. By treasures I men not the gold, diamond stuff because they are the things that we can put a price tag. But some facts in history are invaluable and are like hidden treasures. We have a right to know the truth and the injustice of the past deserves to be brought to light. So that’s just the outline of things that got me interested in history.

Being selfish

So one day comes a sweet little girl wanting to climb a tree.
She came knowing that I was also taking a training to climb a tree.
So she came to learn the tricks and techniques of the trade.
She acts so stupid, innocent and cries for my help
She praises me more than anyone ever has….

Poor girl that betrayed her…..
I came to know all she wants is a help and the clever little thing
Disguises the need for me in a blanket of friendship
She doesn’t understands her selfishness
What is more tragic than not knowing the evil within you?

Each and everyone of us are selfish in our own way
Given a chance there is a devil within each one of us
Recognize that devil within you and others
Don’t let it come out of you and be on alert
When it comes out of others

World is a scary place if we can see all those devils
So we pretend all is happy and well
The tragedy strikes when there is no escaping from the truth
Some even go to the extent of denying that truth
But how long can we live in that soap bubble called lie?
It will just pop at the touch of reality

So be wise….. traps also come as innocent people asking for help
All they want is your help and not you
Sometimes they suck out the very life blood out of you
So be careful how much you give them
Because we all are selfish …you, me and the whole world

Well if you follow the divine principle:
Help without expecting anything in return don’t listen to
What I said above………………………………………..!

Wanted and Unwanted

The want to be useful is within everybody….

Our feelings get extreme when we become
Wanted or unwanted……..

Becoming wanted gives rise to friendship, love
And all the sweet emotions that we dream about
Becoming unwanted is a difficult position
It gives rise to loneliness, hatred,
And all those so called damned emotions
Like envy, anger, revenge

It’s when society makes a person unwanted
The feeling of Devil rises within him
He began to see the world with hate,
He takes revenge on innocent victims,
To satisfy his bloody self –complex

So make each human feel that
They are wanted, and the world needs them,
Try to help him find his own value
Let him live a life of dignity
Appreciate how precious a life is

Don’t be a miser with your
Good words if a person deserves it
Create an environment not
Eco-friendly, not user –friendly,
Because that needs the whole
World co-operation, as in Copenhagen

Create an environment to
Make your fellow beings feel
That they are needed in this world
Without them the world will
Miss a lot of blessings……..